Salem's adventures through anime
by azile9
Summary: Salem  o.c.  is shoved through different anime series and tortures all of humanity in the process!  it's mainly death note so I put it here
1. annoying smart peepulz

**CHAPTER 1**

**Annoying smart peepuls**

A young girly-boy stared out the window into the rain, bored, not that the rain changed much; he doesn't like to go outside. He had short black messy hair, with grayish blue eyes, a pair of 'emo' glasses resting on his nose. Ears pierced, twice on each lobe, jagged bangs covering his forehead. A mindless self indulgence band tee and black 'bondage' pants adorned his thin figure. Thank god, he usually wore some form of frilly skirt. If he ignored the boundaries of gender and sex, why did he even make the switch? He recently made a big decision in his life, he was born a she. Making this transition after his, uh, her at the time, parents were killed in a tourist bombing and taken to Wammys.  
>Her name was Elizabeth Platfield. She was an artist; she painted flowers and drew manga and doujinshi. Her mother and stepfather worked at the internal revenue service in America. But that didn't mater anymore. All that matters is the bored boy, who finally came up with an idea of how to have fun. The computer lab was full so on to the second most fun thing in the world to do. Annoy the smart peepuls! (People for those of you who don't speak idiot)<br>He snuck into a bedroom in a cheesy spy film fashion before spotting his target, a red haired boy playing video games on a ds. "Like a tiger…" he whispered, "I POUNCE!" shouted the transvestite as he glomped the red head. Landing on him with a large crack. He was shoved off as the gamer looked at his game, which the top screen had snapped off of. "What are you doing here, pixie freak?" asked the gamer, the other rolled his eyes "no Matt, Pixie Freak is one of my characters from the awesome and totally not lame comic series, the adventures of Pixie Freak and Fairy boy. … My name's Salem." Said the tranie. The gamer stared. "You mean like off of Sabrina? Or from the Salem Massachusetts witch trials?" said the boy now identified as Matt "obviously the Salem witch trials, I'm not so cliché as to name myself after a talking cat on a television series!" replied Salem. A bored silence fell over the room.  
>"Sooo, you got a video camera?" asked Salem. The other nodded before fishing through a box of gadgets and tech stuff before pulling out a digital camera and handing it to Salem. The boy started pushing random buttons, before handing the camera back to the owner. "You, be my camera monkey!" barked the suddenly scary transvestite. Matt glanced at the broken game on the bed before letting out a sigh and mumbling a response a dog couldn't understand with a microphone. "Whatever" was the only word understood.<br>Salem skipped down the hallway in some random direction, Matt dragging his feet behind. They soon stopped outside a closed door. Matt held up his hand in a professional three two one, action gesture. Salem cleared his throat before speaking in a Steve Irwin voice "ello an welcome to anotha animal advencha, today we are searching fo' the blond chocoholic bitch, more commonly known as Mello" Matt spoke from behind the camera, "wait, we're going to sneak up on a crazy homicidal freak? That happens to be my best friend?" "Yes my faithful camera monkey! An we're gonna put it on YouTube!" Salem cracked open the door just enough to slip inside, Matt still following. The blond boy was asleep on his bed, chocolate bar in hand. Salem took a pair of handcuffs out from his heart shaped shoulder bag, giggling as he strung them around the headboard before snapping them shut. "He seems to be sleepin' we'll just have to wake him up den" said Salem to the camera clearing his throat before proceeding to shake the bed shouting "EARTHQUAKE!" The blond's eyes snapped open "Fucking Shit" yelled Mello before flailing his legs around, trying to get up. Only stopping when he saw the grinning transvestite in his room along with his best friend holding a, "is that a fucking video camera?" Asked Mello. "No, it's a normal, non-sexual video camera," answered Salem.  
>To say Mello was mad was an understatement. He was fucking pissed. Mello struggled against his restraints, only pausing when a large crack echoed through the room. "Oh shit," muttered Salem, "FUCKING RUN!" shouted Matt over his shoulder dropping the camera. "Don't leave the camera! If we're gonna die, at least save the camera!" shouted Salem as he grabbed the camera rushing out the door.<br>After a while Salem and Matt found themselves outside the playroom, Salem smiled at seeing where they were. "Wanna play with anti social people and bring up awkward subjects?" asked Salem. Matt walked off. "Fine! No toys for you!" yelled Salem as he walked into the playroom, empty except for one small albino child in a corner filled with leggos. Salem sat merely a few inches in front of the albino. "Sooooo, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" asked Salem with an evil grin on his face. The albino stared. "Ten cords…" answered the albino. "DAMN! CURSE YOU NEAR!" shouted Salem pointing an accusing finger at the boy. An awkward silence fell across the room. "Can I play?" asked Salem. "Can you play with meaning?" asked Near "all the meaning in the WORLD!" responded Salem before digging through the leggos, sticking some black spiky hair onto a smiley head, onto a black and white body, making it walk down the space station to Near's white haired leggo person, next to a leggo with blond hair and a redhead leggo with goggles.  
>"Hi, I'm Salem. Who are you?" said Salem in his 'tiny' voice. "We're super detectives who fight crime and travel through space, I'm Near." Said the albino, holding his character slightly raised to show which one was talking. He changed his voice to a slightly deeper one "I'm Matt and this is Mello," said Near, changing his voice again to an annoyingly high pitched one "keep your hands off my Matty bitch!" Salem smirked moving his leggo closer to the Mello leggo "hey, don't be like that baby, how bout you, me, and your bitch go have some fun? And lets see if Near will come play along too" said Salem "don't invite that albino freak! He's a major turn off!" but Salem's character was already walking over to the Near character "hey cutie, wanna come play with us?" asked Salem "no thank you I'm perfectly content as I am" responded Near. "Ah, so you're a virgin?" asked the creepy transvestite. The albino felt a light blush spread across his cheeks before standing up. "This isn't playing with meaning, if you just want to make fun of someone, go find someone else" said Near pushing Salem out the door.<br>Now Salem was bored again, he went back to his window. He leant his head against the cool glass, looking down into the empty wet yard. Soon he noticed a black car pulling into the circle driveway before running to the main entrance. The front door opened to show a tall pale man with black hair. Salem jumped onto the man shouting "L! I LOVE YOU! I'M YOUR BIGGEST FUCKING FAN" as he lay on top of the man sprawled on the floor, still soaked from rain.  
>"Aw, you're all wet. I'll fix dat!" said Salem. Salem practically dragged the detective up to his room, setting him on the bed. Salem went to his small bathroom, digging around for a while before finding a hairdryer and a towel. Salem had L go into the bathroom to dry off and change before beckoning him to the swirly computer chair. Salem then dried and brushed the detective's hair, putting it in cute little pigtails. "Is this necessary, Salem-chan?" asked L. Salem was taken aback, making some weird coughing and chocking noises "YES! Now go back to being my oversized Barbie doll" L sighed and did as told. In the end L had curly pigtails that bounced when he walked… (a.n. XD)<p> 


	2. innocent my ass!

**CHAPTER 2**

I**nnocent my ass!**

.  
>It was several days later, when Salem heard loud noise next to his room. Salem removed his gir blanket, revealing black fleece pajamas with little skulls on them. Okay so they're girl's pjs, but what did you expect? He grabbed his cell phone, deciding to make a video out of it. He turned his cell to camcorder mode. Salem put on a sleepy smile before saying "hey, this is Salem. I got woken up by creepy noises in the room next to mine so I'm gonna investigate." He barely got time to knock before he was forcibly dragged into the room, dropping the cell phone once inside and knocked onto the floor. 'It's dark, I'm sleepy, and now my head hurts. Wtf?' Salem wondered to himself before the voices began.<br>"Are you really gonna do this?" he heard from one side "psh, he's gay, and the albino said he's not a virgin so what does it matter" Salem's eyes shot wide, even though it was still dark and there was no point to it. "I'm not an albino, I just don't go outside… ever" said another voice between the two. "But seriously? He's just an innocent little kid" "innocent my ASS!" shouted a voice before the lights were turned on, revealing "what the fuck? Matt? Mello? Near? Okay I kinda expected Mello and Matt but Near?" freaked Salem thoroughly confused. "Hey, he was going to make a video, I guess great minds think alike" said Matt as he deleted the video and pulled out his own video camera "are you guys gonna kidnap me? Cuz if you are I've gotta say," was all Salem could say before he was met by a slay across the face. "We're not gonna kidnap you, just, rape you, and put the video on the internet." Said Near, twirling his hair. Now Salem was confused "why?" he asked before being slapped again.  
>"Don't move" said Mello as he handcuffed Salem's arms behind his back and put a gag in his mouth. Salem was on the verge of tears by now, trying to convince himself that everything would be okay, this is when the knight in shining armor comes and saves the princess, but nothing happened except his shirt was being ripped off with a razor blade. By the time Mello brought the blade down to Salem's fleece pants, he was sobbing uncontrollably. Mello was whispering to Matt and Near but Salem didn't notice anything till Matt picked up the camera and made a gesture that said '5, 4, 3, 2, 1, play' Salem just starred at the camera through blurred vision. Mello smirked evilly and forced Salem onto his knees, then suddenly a large 'crack' rang through the air and the flesh of the transvestite's back stung. 'Crack' went the leather whip Mello was holding in his hand as it lashed across the younger boy's exposed skin. Salem tried to scream though the gag in his mouth prevented it.<br>Mello laughed sadistically, pulling away the remains of Salem's clothing. "Could you at least prepare the kid first?" asked Matt "nope!" was Mello's only response before thrusting in violently, not giving time for the boy to adjust before moving. Tears and pain blinded Salem. Mello frowned at the fact that the boy didn't give any form of positive response but continued. The blond pulled almost completely out of the younger boy's entrance before slamming back in, Mello's seed coating Salem's insides. The transvestite tried to curl into a ball, but strong hands soon brought him back up. "Don't think we're done with you yet," the blond whispered into the boy's ear. The process was repeated with both other boys. "Say a word and I slit your throat" Mello said before Salem blacked out.  
>When Salem woke up he was in an empty bedroom, still naked. He looked at the blood and semen on the floor as memories flooded back into his head. A blood-curdling scream ran through the hallways at an ungodly hour Salem curled into a ball and cried till he was found approximately an hour later by a staff member and taken to a nearby hospital. Salem was examined and cared for, but the names of those who did this to him never passed his lips, nothing did. The young boy's chapped lips spoke not a word. Tears silently fell but he didn't move he didn't resist being moved, he simply let the flow of life pass over him. Eventually, L himself was notified of the child's condition.<p> 


	3. they recorded it!

**CHAPTER 3**

**they recorded it**

tSalem stared at the detective as if L were about to eat him, and L just stared back. "Depression aside, you obviously aren't safe at the orphanage, but legally I can't remove you from care without some sort of family bond so, I shall adopt you" said L as he consumed five boxes of strawberry pocky. Light stared at the detective from the chair in the corner where he was seated. Salem opened his mouth to say something but closed it again. Salem wondered about the reasoning behind this haste decision, but still said nothing. "Please, speak. You haven't spoken at all since this… assault happened, have you?" L said, cocking his head to the side. "No, I haven't" spoke a soft voice, hardly recognized as being Salem.

Salem was in his old room, gathering his crap. He put his iPod, ds, and other entertainment devices into his Pikachu messenger bag and everything else into boxes provided for him. Then when Salem was doing a final scan of his room he saw his cell phone on the floor 'the cell phone that had a recording of before they did that to me' thought Salem before something important popped into his head.  
>'They <em>recorded<em> it! I have to get that tape!' Salem dropped his bag in front of his door and ran to Matt's room. The other children were in class so it was simple to slip in, but finding the disk was something else. Salem looked in the closet, desk, and drawers, but no sign of the recorded crime. 'Maybe it's more simple than I thought' Salem lifted the mattress to find a stash of playboy magazines 'ew, that's disgusting, I don't care if he is gay' as sudden realization visibly took over the transvestite, he started flipping through the magazines, each one holding several disks with numbers as titles. Salem found the one labeled with the date of the rape, and, what the heck. He took the rest just to be sure and went back to his things and started bringing them down to the first floor after drawing little chibi images of himself all over labeling them all something like, "GETCHO HANDS OFF MY SHIT! 3 Salem". Salem said his goodbyes and got into a black car with L and left the orphanage behind forever.  
>Before they left the country they had to legalize the adoption, so they stopped in some sleazy attorney's office where the detective (still chained to Light) filled out paperwork and signed a bunch of shit. After that the detective, the transvestite, the kira suspect, and the … uh Watari went to the airport where they got on a plane to Japan. Salem basically just listened to music the entire time, L sat weird and ate sweets, Light read a book and slept, Watari, he did well, whatever Wataris do… maybe he taught old ladies to use machine guns, but seriously, who cares? But anyway, in what seemed like forever, they landed.<br>When they got out of the security area Light was glomped by an overly happy blond girl in an intricate gothic Lolita dress. "OMG! Light! I missed you sooo much! I wanted to call you but I'm not allowed to get near electronic devices anymore. Ooh who's this kid? Is he okay? He seems so sad. Oh it's okay little boy, I'm Misa-Misa! I'll be like your big sister. How long are you gonna stay in Japan? A day? A week? A year? Forever? Yay! Misa-Misa found a new friend! What's your name?" rambled the blond, Salem just starred for a few minutes before blinking and finally giving his responses. "Uh hi, my name is Salem, I'm, uh, living here I guess," Misa grinned, "Ooh yay! We're gonna be friends forever then! Oh, wait" Misa got a stern look on her face "where are your parents? A little kid like you shouldn't be alone in a big airport like this." Before anyone could say anything Misa stood on top of a chair and preceded to yell, "hey people! Yoohoo! Um Hi! Does anyone know where Salem's Mommy and Daddy are?" L finally spoke up "I adopted him, now please get down so we can proceed to headquarters"  
>When they finally reached the task force, Salem was shown to his room. 'White, white, white, and omigod! It's white. I'm gonna redecorate this place if I'm going to stay here for more than a week'. Salem flopped down on the fluffy bed and took a nap. (aww how shweet ^_^) when he woke up Salem unpacked his thing and went down to the main headquarter offices.<br>"I'm sooo booored" repeated Salem for the tenth time that hour. The task force was fighting to ignore him, so he got up and went over to stand right behind Light. Salem stuck his head right next to Light's, looking at the screen for about a minute. "you've got two heads!" said Salem as if it were some sort of fun game. Light sighed in defeat. "no, one of them is yours" said Light, still not looking at the boy. Salem frowned, disappointed, he started poking the older teen repeatedly "hey, hey you, hey Light, hey, hey Light" repeated Salem until the one he seeked attention from turned away from the computer, eye twitching slightly. "yes?" asked the annoyed teen. Salem burst into a fit of giggles.


	4. the child is being rebelious!

**CHAPTER 4**

**the child is being rebelious**

Salem was lying on his bed. The cleared wooden desk just waiting to be cluttered, the light switch plate, waiting to be painted, the carpet, still free of stains and paint spills. And the walls, those blank, blank, white, walls. Salem's been living in this room for five days and the white walls were bringing his to insanity. L promised to go with him to get paint and that he just needed to be patient. But Salem is hardly ever patient. So he took down a box from a shelf in his closet, the box clearly labeled art stuff. Salem brought out a long handled brush from the box with, quite literally, only three short hairs on it. He swept the bristles against the palm of his hand, smiling.  
>Salem moved the furniture away from the walls before going back to the box. He took out more brushes and some acrylic paints. Salem brought a bucket of water to his room before pouring some paint onto a plastic pallet. He dipped his brush in a deep crimson and made a large smooth stroke on the wall, before adding another, and another. After about ten minutes he had a large rose on the wall, barely outlined in black, he painted another smaller rose next to this one, and another next to that. After a few hours Salem had a large bed of roses covering the wall.<br>Salem walked over to another wall, this time; he painted a cityscape with a setting sun, and the sky a light violet with white stars and a crescent moon. On the next wall he painted diagonal rainbow stripes, and he took out a neon pink, painting 'KAWAII!' across the wall.  
>On the final wall, he began painting the outline of a face; he gave the face short brownish red hair, and bright blue eyes. The face of a young teenage girl, perhaps fourteen. She was overweight but this somehow just added to her beauty, her lips, drawn up into a slight smile. She was wearing a baggy black tee shirt and faded blue jeans. Gracing her neck, was a necklace of three amethyst leaves on a silver chain. Salem stepped back from his painting, looking at the same necklace around his own neck, a necklace given to him by his grandmother. 'some things never change' he thought before going back to his art. Her left arm had a long scar going down her forearm and her wrists had straight white lines on each. He gave her small silver hoop earrings, two on each ear. Soon he had painted a perfect likeness, to his former self.<br>Salem plopped down on the bed, finally finished. Then, Watari walked in, his old eyes probably exploded at all the colors. 'Right on time' thought Salem, sitting back up before Watari ran back out of the room screaming, "Ryuzaki, the child is being rebellious!" Light's voice range through the head quarters next "when isn't it!" "He's kinda cute when he sleeps…" Salem glared at the door "Matsuda! Stop watching me sleep!" "EVERYONE SHUT UP! I'M GONNA TAKE CARE OF IT!" shouted L at the top of his lungs. About three minutes later the detective emerged in Salem's room. L looked closely at Salem, then at the walls, and back at Salem. All the while making strange therapist 'hmmm' noises. He turned around and faced the task members standing in the doorway. "I have made my conclusion." He muttered. Salem raised an eyebrow and the task force began whispering. Suddenly L poked the boy's head and shouted. "THIS THING IS BORED AND NEEDS TO BE WITH OTHER CREATURES OF IT'S KIND!" the task force applauded L's brilliant deduction. Salem's eye twitched. "What?"


	5. no cartoons?

**CHAPTER 5**

**No cartoons?**

The next day a blue suit-like uniform was laying on his bed… and he ignored it… instead wearing black jeans and his old hello kitty shirt. Grabbing his personal shiz and putting it in a rainbow checkered backpack. Salem glanced back at the uniform before loosely doing the tie around his neck and putting on the blazer. Outside awaited Matsuda outside a black limo, Salem got in without question. The car stopped outside a large school building.  
>Salem had been enrolled in Ouran Academy, saying he was the son of a rich American inventor.<br>Salem sulked into the crowded building. Other students gawked at him and whispered to each other.  
>Salem walked into the office where an actress was pretending to be a receptionist. "um… where is the art room?" Salem asked while looking over the elegantly carved desk at the girl. She blinked absentmindedly for a few seconds before answering. "you must be new here sweetie! There isn't an art room! We have a fancy fine painting section if that's what you're looking for. Only the fanciest organic fruits and solid platinum dishes for you sweet children! You get to use human-hair ebony brushes and paints made by monks in the mountains!" Salem stared at her, twitching for a moment. "no cartoons?" "Nope!" Salem ran off screaming.<p> 


	6. death eater

**CHAPTER 6**

**Death Eater**

Salem walked through the school truing to find a dark secluded area where he could skip his classes and draw. He found an empty hallway and opened a random door. Seeing it was dark, he turned on a light. A hooded figure began screaming at the top of his lungs, cowering under his kitty puppet. Salem screamed as well. "DEATH EATER!" Salem fled from the room into another across the hall. A group of boys dressed as bunnies were staring at him. Salem stopped running and raised the peace sign "sup." A small boy who looked more like a doll spoke next. "Welcome to the host club?" Salem sat on a couch and ate a cookie. "Mind if I hang here for a bit? I really hate algebra." Suddenly two girls poofed next to Salem on the couch. He put his arms around the women on either side of him, smirking. The tall blonde bunny called the other bunnies into the other room. Salem continued telling the girls about his views on Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. A few minutes later the two matching redhead bunnies ran into the room and dragged him out as Salem screamed in Protest. "HELP! I'M BEING RAPED!" the twins dropped the screaming transsexual. The tall blonde boy pointed at Salem and a strange orchestra was playing in the background. "You will be a member of the host club" "what if I don't wanna?" the blonde squatted down to eye level with Salem, who was still sitting on the floor. "You could always go to algebra…" Salem paled, his eyes going wide. He stood and looked the other boy in the eyes. "I accept these conditions" the other bunny kids clapped before forcing Salem into a matching bunny costume and throwing him out to the rabid females. 'What a fun day' thought Salem sarcastically


	7. BAD BUNNY!

**CHAPTER 7**

**BAD BUNNY!**

Salem got into the back of the limo wearing a bunny suit with a missing ear. Watari looked at him for a moment in the rear view mirror before shaking his head and deciding it was best if he didn't know. As soon as hi walked into headquarters he was glomped by a rabid Misa who began licking his face, a few minutes later Matsuda joined her in chewing on the last remaining ear. Salem pulled out a tazer. hooked it into Misa's arm and pressed the Light ran in claiming to have heard a ruckus, Salem was squating next to a passed out Matsuda poking him with a stick while wearing a pink fuzzy bunny costume with one sizzling was also passed out but was tied to a spicket over a fire on the lenolium floor. Salem turned to Light, who was curently staring at the scene in horror, with wide eyes. "I think he's dead"  
>Light woke up a little bit later to find Salem leaning over him jabbing the stick into his arm. when Salem noticed Light was awake he gave his best innocent smile and said "good morning!" before returning to the was snoring still tied to the spicket, though the fire was just a pile of smoldering ash on the charred floor. Light screamed louder than he's ever screamed before. "THE CHILD IS BEING REBELIOUS! AGAIN!" L came running in the roomand skidded to a stop in the doorway. he watched the scene for a few moments with his head cocked to the side before turning around and walking calmly out of the room. the pleading eyes of Light Yagami followed him.<br>L ran back into the room holding a broom over his head and began pummeling Salem with it. "BAD BUNNY! BAD BUNNY!" Salem curled into a ball and began to cry. after about ten minutes of child abuse L realized that the rabbit was. IN-FACT human. This resulted in another ten minutes of child abuse all the while L screaming "BAD HUMAN!" Salem crawled over to where his tazer was on the floor while L followed him with the broom. he grabbed the tazer and jabbed it into L's bare foot. the dark-haired genius fell to the floor with a large CRACK. Salem looked over to Light who was sitting on the couch across the room with a bowl of popcorn. the staring continued for a good two minutes before Salem spoke up with tears still in his eyes. "why didn't you help me?" Light shrugged "didn't think you deserved it."


End file.
